im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
