It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
