Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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