We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
