I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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