i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
