so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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