Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When are your genitals available?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
