What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
