Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
