Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
