He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
