he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
