I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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