life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
