I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
