So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I touched a dick in church today
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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