Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
