Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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