Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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