Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
