You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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