Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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