Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
