That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
