i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
