dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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