Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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