I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
