i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
