What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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