once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
