I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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