I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
