Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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