i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
