I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
