So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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