i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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