so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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