Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
