I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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