Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Non-Jews are for practice
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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