You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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