I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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