i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
