is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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