im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
