That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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