onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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