you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
